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Sunday, October 19th, 2008
10:12 pm - Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand...
So can't focus on my music history outline right now. I've been trying to be productive for about an hour or so and failed horribly. Luckily none of this stuff is due for at least a few days. But between that and writer's block for composition, I feel like a bit of a slug, just chilling here.

So yeah, haven't updated this in for freaking ever. I'm back at WSC for another year. Been back about a month and a half. A lot of changes. My major for one. Originally, when I started freshman year, I was a criminal justice major, music minor. Halfway through last year, I auditioned for a music major and was accepted. So I was a double major in criminal justice and general music studies. Then I decided to do composition instead of general studies midway through spring semester. Now I've decided to go all the way. I'm dropping the criminal justice down to a minor and becoming a music education/composition major. I'm gonna be a music teacher. Took a lot of thinking and weighing pros and cons, but I realize this is what I want to do with my life. I can't imagine spending 5 years in school, intensely studying music, only to never use it in real life. If I'd continued down the path I was on, I would maybe write a song or two on the weekends, or play an occasional gig. So yep, instrumental education. Hopefully at a high school level.

That's probably the biggest change, but it seems like a lot has. Very busy this semester. 12 classes. And some of those classes consume my soul, workwise. But it's worth it. I know everyone here, there's no way I could do this, but when we're all working on the same things and dealing with the same stresses, that just makes it that much easier.

Plus, living with Andie is really nice. We spend enough time together that we're pretty much dating.

I've begun having wrist problems. Delightful. For the past twoish weeks I've had braces on both hands. Doctor's appointment in a couple weeks to figure it out. Between Rich calling me Ovenmitts and everyone at Papa Gino's making endless fun of me last weekend, it's been pretty fun. Yeah... It feels like its starting to get better though, so I can hope...

Oh well. I'm happy. It's nice to be back.

current music: Morning Has Broken - Cat Stevens

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Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
12:05 pm - Copied from Kim, who I hope to see soon?
Number of Songs Total: 1261 songs
Total Length of Songs: 3.6 days

Sort by song title
First song: About Foreign Lands and People - Robert Shumann
Last song: 9mm and a Three Piece Suit - Streetlight Manifesto

Sort by time
Shortest song: Her Majesty - The Beatles (23 seconds)
Longest song: Carnival of the Animals - Camille Saint-Saen

Sort by album
First song: I Want You (She's So Heavy) - The Beatles, Abbey Road
Last song: Letter to Me - Brad Paisley, 5th Gear

Top 10 most played songs:
We Will Fall Together - Streetlight Manifesto
Point/Counterpoint - Streetlight Manifesto
We Are the Few - Streetlight Manifesto
Who Would've Thought - Darren Hayes
Waking the Monster - Darren Hayes
Tears and Rain - James Blunt
Down, Down, Down to Mephisto's Cafe- Streetlight Manifesto
On Love, In Sadness - Jason Mraz
Casey - Darren Hayes
The Big Sleep - Streetlight Manifesto

(WOW, soooo varied haha)

First 10 songs that come up on shuffle
Pure Imagination - Willy Wonka
Open Car - Porcupine Tree
I Me Mine - The Beatles
Drive - Incubus
A Breath Away - Josh Groban
Hold On - Kansas
All At Once - The Fray
Goodbye Earl - The Dixie Chicks
Impromptu in E Sharp - Franz Shubert
Scar Tissue - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Search...
"sex" - how many songs come up?: 2
"love" - how many songs come up?: 61
"you" - how many songs come up?: 199
"death" - how many songs come up?: 14


Fun stuff. Never realized how much I listened to Streetlight when walking around campus. I remember last February, being so angry and absolutely blasting it as I walked around. This kid gave me a dirty look and I just felt like screaming, "I just got humiliated and rejected and feel terrible, can I please just listen to a few loud horns and drown it all out please, is that all right with you????"

I'm moving back to Westfield on Sunday night. Jessie's move in in Worcester is on Monday, so I requested early move in to help my parents out. So back to the grind a day sooner. I can't wait. It's going to be different, but still I can tell it'll be an incredible year. I remember last year's move in was so scary at first, then so boring. As soon as I was unpacked, it was like "Yeah, now what?" And I just kinda wandered around campus all day. But now I've got a whole life out there, which is pretty cool. And I'm gonna have family out there for the first time, which is pretty crazy. David's gonna be living about a hundred yards away from me. Andie's gonna be living about two feet away. Fucking Southborough is down the hall. New freshmen. Getting back to tuba. I'm gonna be locked in a practice room for a while. I'm worried about my sound. I didn't play much this summer, haha. Also starting a low brass trio with Andie and Angela. Cannot WAIT to get that started. I'm a little worried about Big Band though. I don't particularly want to do it this year, but I don't want to leave Orgill fucked over with not enough trombone players. Plus, I need a second ensemble and don't particularly want to do chorus either. Oh well. I guess I'll see how everything goes. Dr. LaVoie said I can use the tuba again this semester, so it looks like I'm all set there. I'll buy my own at some point, hopefully next summer.

The goodbyes have begun. Some of my friends have already left. And some are gone when we get back to school, which is sad. Though one's going off to another school with an amazing opportunity, so I'm thrilled for him. Still, it's always hard to seperate from people. But that's a part of life. Things end. Even the things you think never will. People leave or die or quit or whatever. And you move on and continue living. I guess I've been thinking about this a big since things have started to shift in various parts of my life. Oh well.

So goodbye and good luck to some of you. See you during breaks. And others, see you soon!

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Monday, July 14th, 2008
12:45 pm
Last night I dreamed that I was working at the Holiday Inn. I was behind the counter, in uniform, and I noticed that the event for the night was my graduating class's one year reunion. So I got kind of excited, like, "Oh, I'm gonna get to see people again!" And then all my friends from high school began filing in. I said hi, but everyone just walked straight past and ignored me.

Hmm...doesn't take a brain surgeon to figure that one out, I suppose.

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Thursday, June 26th, 2008
12:23 am - Stole from Andie
The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they have printed.

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own LJ so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them ;-)



1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

6 The Bible (Parts of it)
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens (Great Illustrated Classic version)
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (Some of them)
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens (Great Illustrated Classic)
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

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Saturday, June 14th, 2008
2:02 pm
So yesterday at the Inn, I heard something I never thought I'd hear said in dead seriousness.

I'm up behind the front desk, doing my front desky thing, when a kid from a Russian hockey team comes up. This entire team have been douchebags to everyone working at the Inn since they got there, so none of us are very fond of them. We had phoned in a pizza order for them about half an hour earlier and he was coming down to get it. But it hadn't arrived yet. He blamed me for a minute, looking at me like I should have been able to pull his pizza order out of my ass (Sorry kid, I only work at Papa Gino's on weekday nights) then steps aside and calls someone on his cell phone, speaking loudly in Russian.

Meanwhile, another guy is there. American, southern accent, big belly, bad tan, and bleached hair. Picture the stereotype and you've got him. He's waiting for someone to pick him up to take a test ride in his new car and I guess they also aren't coming fast enough, so he's in a bad mood. He stalks over to the other side of the lobby from the kid, but still hears him talking on his phone.

And then I heard it, like a shining beacon with angels singing Handel's Hallelujah chorus around it. Not quite under his breath, but not loud enough that the kid heared.

"This is America, speak American, dammit."

I don't know whether to feel elated or extremely, extremely depressed.

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Thursday, June 12th, 2008
10:50 pm - Just need to get it off my chest. God knows I rant enough along this vein...
This doesn't go out to any one particular person, I'm just venting.

I am not a partier. I am not a heavy drinker, I don't smoke, and I'm not hooking up or having sex with lots of people. This is my decision. It's not that I haven't "reached that level yet" or just a phase that I'm going through before finally growing up. I am not any less mature than anyone else my age because I don't do these things. Yes, I will drink occasionally. It's not a shocking thing and I never drink a ton because the idea of puking all night or drunk dialling my high school band director just isn't appealing to me. I don't smoke because I personally don't enjoy it. And I'm a tuba player trying to get the best sound I can out of the damn thing and I need as much air support as I can manage. And the sex thing, well, I'm very happy with who I have right now. I love Lee and wouldn't give him up for the chance to sleep with every criminal justice major at Westfield State. I'm not the only person I know who feels this way, yet I am so sick of being patronized because people think I'm the one who's immature for not getting shitfaced every night.

I respect other people's decisions. As long as you're a good person, I don't give a shit what you consume or who you're with. I don't sit at parties all miserable because I'm sober, giving everyone dirty looks for getting drunk, or being awkward and not sure how to handle drunk people. I'm not a little kid who just can't handle it and is scandalized. For fuck's sake, I'm a music and criminal justice major. Possibly the two most booze-soaked majors at my school. I'm nineteen years old, going on twenty. And I'm sick to death of being treated like a visiting high schooler who has never seen a bottle of beer or a condom.

current music: Dear Sergio: - Bandits of the Acoustic Revolution

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Saturday, June 7th, 2008
10:09 pm
It's rediculously hot in my house right now and the fact that I'm on the top bunk is not helping things. I'm thinking about moving my mattress to the empty bottom bunk at some point, but I'm scared of my stupid, lovable cats going to jump up on the top bunk like they always do and falling through the holes in the bars.

Yeah, nothing really new to talk about. I'm about three weeks into summer break, meaning there's about nine left. It's been good. I'm kind of anxious to get back to Westfield though. I realize that I've changed a lot since senior year. In good ways, but it meant that coming home, there wasn't quite so much here for me. My family and my cats and the friends I've kept from high school are all here and they're wonderful and the reason I keep coming back. But I miss my other life at the same time and really can't wait to get back to it.

On the good side though, I get to see Lee tomorrow. He's coming to my sister's graduation party, then spending the night. First time since I came home. I'm wicked excited.

Yeah, that's really all I've got at the moment. So bye bye LJ.

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Monday, May 19th, 2008
9:54 am - Summer
So summer. Yeah. Nice to be home, taking a break, earning some money. No luck with a second job, so I'll be working as many hours at Papa Gino's as I can. Not too big a deal though. I have some stuff to deposit in my account that'll definitely help. And I bought a bike yesterday to save on gas money. It was kind of expensive, but about 2 1/2 weeks worth of gas. So if I can use that to cut back on driving some, that'll be great. Not to mention getting in shape. I rode it to the dentist this morning...yeah...ouch.

Speaking of ouch, wisdom teeth. I have a consult coming up and I'll probably be getting them out soonish. Wonderful. I'll be sure to get Evil Dead 1 and 2 and Army of Darkness before I spend several days drugged up on the couch.

But yeah, summer's going great so far. Not quite done unpacking, but I wound up just putting a bunch of stuff downstairs to hang on to for September. Been hanging out with friends here. Still haven't made any plans with anyone from school though, which is understandable because I've been home a little under 48 hours since I last saw anyone. And I've got graduation stuff coming up with my sister and cousin and friends, so it'll be busy for a while. But I'll be seeing Lee somewhat soon and Andie and Rich. So that'll be fun. I think it's going to be a good summer.

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Thursday, May 8th, 2008
6:52 pm - Taking a break from finals madness
Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Check off the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is cheating.
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own.

1. Belief makes things real, makes things feel, feel alright

2. I like to reminisce about a time I never had, a book that no one read, a film that never made me sad

3. Wednesday morning at five o'clock as the day begins...

4. Our life together is so precious, together

5. I've waited for this moment, all my life and more and now I see so clearly what I could not see before

Sam 6. What would you do if I sang out of tune?

Rich 7. Daniel is traveling tonight on a plane, I can see the red taillights heading for Spain

8. Well, I met you in the third grade, I did not know you liked lemonade

9. Baby set me free, from this misery, I can take it no more

10. Simona, you're getting older

Sara 11. I am so high, I can hear heaven

12. Your time has already come and I don't know why

13. Children play in the park, they don't know

Rich 14. First of all, I'd like to say fuck off.

15. When you feel all alone and the world has turned its back on you

16. I'll be in the back and I do not need the help

Rich 17. Once again I wake up alone on the wrong side of my bed

18. It's sitting by the overcoat, the second shelf, the note she wrote

Sara 19. You've got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away?

20. The light from the window is fading, turn on the light

21. We ordered up one more bottle of wine, you told me your story and I thought about mine

22. You say I only hear what I want to

23. There's a little boy waiting at the counter of a corner shop

24. Turn off your mind, relax, and float downstream

25. We hit the bottom, thought it was my fault, and in a way I guess it was

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Monday, April 14th, 2008
12:41 am
So tonight I decided to sit down and figure out all my crap. Being a music/criminal justice major, I knew there would be a lot of it. But I didn't quite realize the extent of my undertaking. I'm looking at at least the five year plan, and this is only if I take classes during my winter and summer breaks. I have no idea where I'm going to get the money to do it. I'm going to have to put off buying a car and continue to depend on the mercy of Peter Pan Inc. and the PVTA.

Twice in the past few weeks I've had that moment when everything smacks you in the face and you wonder what the hell you've gotten yourself into. One comment a couple weeks ago started me stressing over everything. Then tonight, seeing it all in black and white.

I signed up for my classes on Thursday. I got the wrong PIN so I had to sign up later on and missed out on Law Enforcement and Society at a possible hour, so I asked to overload into Prof. Rizzo's 11:30 class. He agreed, so that'll be fine in September. And if Scott Bailey adds another Piano III class, I'll try to take that. But here's what I'm looking at for fall semester sophomore year:

MWF

8:15 - 9:05: Music History I
9:20 - 10:10: Music Theory III
10:25 - 11:15: Big Band
11:30 - 12:20: Law Enforcement and Society
12:35 - 1:25: Musicale/Studio (most likely lesson on one day)
2:56 - 3:46: Wind Symphony

TR

8:15 - 9:30: American Judicial System
9:45 - 11:00: Sight Singing/Ear Training I (Dr. LaVoie is apparently teaching it again. happy day)

If there isn't another piano class, I may try to add another class to Tuesday/Thursday. MWF is going to be a beast again, but at least I'm not taking a night class. It was decent for this semester, but three hours at a stretch really isn't the ideal way to learn.

I've also discovered that my aspirations exceed my bank account at the moment. But as I have little money and plenty of crap I don't use to my name, I've discovered the joys of ebay. And I should start seriously looking into scholarships again. I probably can't get anything from Marlborough anymore, but I know Westfield State's got a few. And there's the public ones. I've got a couple decent (And by decent, I mean incredible) ones from the school and Dad's work.

Almost done with my first year of college, sometimes I still have to remind myself I'm here. Summer's coming up. I have mixed feelings about it. Warm weather, seeing my old friends for more than a few hours per month, working and making money. But at the same time, I feel like my life is more out here now than it is in Marlborough now. I just hope that we can actually get stuff working so we can get together over the summer. It's always the same, everyone promises, but then life gets in the way. I know I'll definitely be in Westfield at some point in the summer because three months without seeing my boyfriend = not cool. But it'll be highly unlikely that the whole group can get together at the same time. But I guess we'll just have to see what comes.

And now I'm sleepy and going to bed.

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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
6:29 pm
So my dad just called me. He says, "I don't know if you remember this, but four years ago, when we had the last lunar eclipse, you said 'Wow, next time there's one of these, I'll be in college.' Well, guess what?"

I'll definitely be taking a peek outside tonight.

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Friday, February 8th, 2008
12:33 am - When it's over, so they say...it'll rain a sunny day
What a week. I don't remember the last time I was on such a wild rollercoaster of emotions. Lame way of putting it, but its the only thing I can think of that really works. I think it's my turn to get off though. It's funny, this isn't how I saw things happening after Saturday night. I thought it would take weeks to be okay. But I honestly think this is how things were always meant to be. I don't regret anything that happened last fall, it was amazing and eye-opening. But I think we're meant more for the close friends thing than the dating thing.

Still, it's interesting to be standing at such a crossroads. Really, so little has changed, but at the same time, so much. This whole growing up thing is pretty crazy.

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Thursday, January 24th, 2008
10:09 am
So I'm back in Westfield for my second semester of college. So far, it's been great. I get to see friends I haven't seen in a month and play music with other people. It's a little bit lonely to be sitting in my room playing tuba by myself. I just need to get up a little more guts because I'm being pretty rediculous, but beyond that, so glad to be back. And this semester is going to be good, I just know it.

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Saturday, December 15th, 2007
2:58 pm - "The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself." Matthew 22:39
One of my favorite people in this world has a saying that has kind of baffled me since I met him. I don't remember his exact wording, but the main gist of it is that openminded people can never really be open because they are closed to the ideas of closedminded people, and thus they themselves are closed minded. So one has to be neither open or closed minded, but just minded. It took me six months, but I think I finally understand it.

Everyone is entitled to their beliefs. And if they have an outlet to express those beliefs, all the power to them. I can respect your beliefs, which is why I won't continue the argument. I love you and have all the respect in the world for you for standing up for what you believe in. I just wish that more people would look at the little people instead of the hierarchy. Yes, there are flaws in Christianity. There are huge fucking flaws. People have perverted the message to the point where it is unrecognizable. But so many of us are just trying to live a life of love. I don't give a shit what your religion is. Seperation of church and state is incredibly important. I study history and government. I think the resolution was rediculous and in bad taste. I don't think that an abortion is a ticket for the Express Bus to Hell. I don't think gay marriage is going to undermine straight marriage anymore than the 52% divorce rate. I don't believe my vagina makes me inferior. But I do believe that Jesus is the Messiah, that he died for us. It's just infuriating to be lumped into this nebulous blob of Christian. We're individual people. I'm not perfect, I'm far from it, but I will respect your beliefs. I just wish you'd do the same for me.

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Thursday, December 6th, 2007
6:46 pm
I remember driving down the highway a couple days before leaving for college. It was just me and one of my closest friends in the car. He drove, I talked. I told him about my frustrations with my current situation, my fears of the future. Things we'd discussed before, but now it was so close,so real. We were the last of our group of friends to leave home. I remember as we pulled off the exit he said, "People are going to stop underestimating you when you get to college."

He was right.

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Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
11:56 pm - She was the one to hold me/ the night the sky fell down
How exactly does one shit ON the toilet seat? I'm intrigued. This is the third time it's happened since I moved downstairs. I'm hoping it's the same person each time, I really am. Otherwise, I weep for humanity.

So again, I haven't written in this thing for a while. I could say it's because I've been busy, but it's not. God knows I spend enough time on the computer. I've been sitting here for about three hours now, trying to eek out at least a paragraph of my Sacco and Vanzetti paper for Intro to CJ. I got the paragraph and nothing else. It's due a week from Friday at least. Plenty of time to write it. I say now. Next Thursday night, when I'm again trying to eek out a paragraph...

Life continues on. The semester is almost over. Unbelievable. I feel so at home out here now. Thanksgiving was strange. I'd been home before that, but not for as long. Every time I go back to work, it feels like I never left. Except now there's a bunch of new people who are all chummy with each other and I have no idea who they are. But there's the staple people and the same routines. And it's a GF life! That fucker's been gone for about six months now and we still make fun of him. Home is the same. Except for an additional cat who turned my hand into hamburger over the long weekend. Monday I'm in my tuba lesson and Atherton goes, "Did you lose a fight with your cat?"

That's exactly what happened.

I love Western MA. I'm seriously considering staying out here after I graduate. Which will be in like 2015 because I'm taking another major. Criminal justice and music. I forget who it was who said, "So, our most popular major and our hardest major." Eh, I'll take some classes at Quinsig over the summer, load up while I'm here and on scholarship. At work, Tito seemed actually pissed that I was double majoring. Which was odd because we met that day. People keep saying I'm crazy to do it. But I want to be a police officer. I love my criminal justice class and the whole field. But at the same time, I love music. I've gotten so much more serious about since I've been here. Most of my friends are music kids. Actually, nearly all my friends here are music kids. And I absolutely love them. I worried about making friends when I got here. Now I have people I miss while I'm in Marlborough along with people to miss while I'm in Westfield. So I'm reauditioning during my jury. Though of course, it has to be on my frigging birthday. So not cool. But that just means that celebration will be EPIC that night. My birthday; me, Rich, and Angela's auditions; end of semester. Oh yes. haha

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Monday, October 1st, 2007
8:51 pm - So do you guys even get the Internet out here?
So tomorrow I'll have been in college for a full month. What a freaking month. So much has happened. Some observations:

State schools both destroy and live up to the stereotype every day. Holy crap. We've got both brilliant professors who know everything there is possibly to know about ancient Mesopotamia and morons who shit in the shower and probably forged their high school diploma.

There's several fruit trees outside my dorm hall. Apples, crabapples, they fall on the sidewalk and rot there. Rotten fruit smell will forever remind me of college.

The squirrels in Westfield are legendary. The black squirrels. They're pure evil with a little bushy tail. I'm walking behind Wilson Hall and I see two squirrels, a black one and a gray one. They're just minding their own business. Suddenly the black one freezes, then lunges after the gray one. I'd never heard a squirrel scream before then.

They also pop out of dumpsters at you.

If I'm just getting back to my room after showering and haven't put my clothes on yet, without fail that's when the campus chaplain comes to visit.

Naps are amazing. Any time, any place. My ability to fall asleep anywhere has intensified in this time.

Yes, the tattoo is real. My mom's not going to kill me when she finds out, she got one too.

A dorm stash of junk food is essential. Being hungry at midnight with only a couple crackers left in the room really sucks. Cinnamon brown sugar PopTarts are best for that. Room 202 = Poptart Graveyard.

If you're not a picky eater, the dining commons are nothing short of amazing. If you lack the stomach of steel, stick with Subway.

Subway on campus means I'll look nothing like Jared at the end of the semester. Especially as it's part of my meal plan.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night is a production. You have to find your sandals, keys, remember to lock the door behind you so that no one steals your laptop or roommate, stumble your way down the hall, unlock the bathroom, and do the whole thing again backwards. When the need to pee strikes, ask yourself if it's really worth it.

Staying in touch with people isn't as hard as it might seem. Facebook and AIM are a godsend.

Insomnia-driven Facebook visits can make you feel like the only person on the earth. What do you mean, nobody else is online right now?

All pictures will end up on Facebook. Deal with it.

Football games suck without a marching band. Seriously, I couldn't even stay a full quarter.

It's amazing how fast strangers become family when you all live in the same area with little transportation.

Trips to Walmart on the city bus are an adventure all on their own. I realized that I absolutely love just riding the bus, listening to my ipod. I'm tempted to do it even when I have nowhere to go.

When three music kids get to the practice rooms at the same time, actual practice won't begin for another half an hour.

Breaks in between classes are perfect for doing homework or catching up on sleep. It took me a couple weeks to get used to having a couple hours between some classes.


I'm sure I'll think of more as time goes on. I'm loving college so far. Amazing.

current music: Into the Ocean - Blue October

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Thursday, September 6th, 2007
12:37 am
Every day I'm more and more grateful to be out of Marlborough High School. I'm at Westfield State College, have been for about 4 days now. I love it. I was so nervous about getting here. I was scared I'd lose my friends, not make new ones, all the typical college worries. But now that I'm here, it's amazing. My roommate and I get along fine, my classes are interesting at least up til now, and it's just fun. It's an adventure. And I'm not losing touch with my old friends. But at the same time, I'm so detached from all the high school drama. That stage is over. I just feel liberated.

Of course, it seems like some drama may brew here. I hope not. Oh, I really hope not.

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Tuesday, August 28th, 2007
9:54 am - it's been what, three months?
Since I last wrote in this thing? I was planning to stop completely, but I don't think that's going to happen. I know like nobody reads livejournals anymore, but hey, can't hurt to have something.

I'm leaving for college in five days. Possibly the five frigging longest days of my life. All my friends leave or have already left before me. But at the same time those days seem impossibly short. So much left to do. Most of my packing is done, but there's still some left to do. One last appointment with Dr. Meehan before school and the decision whether to begin medication now or wait til Christmas. This is a tougher one than I thought. I really just want this week to be over. I hate goodbyes and this week is filled with them.

Plus I just want to get to school. Orientation sucked dogs for quarters, but I could tell how much I'd love it once I was there. The campus itself is beautiful, I'm in the same hall as several of my friends, and band is going to be frigging awesome. Of course, both the other tubas are music majors, so I have some catching up to do. I miss marching though. That's the only thing I really don't like about Westfield, it doesn't have a marching band.

The high school started today. I went to go drop my sisters off and give some stuff to Ms. M. I don't miss it at all. It's the people I'm going to miss or already miss and they're gone. Kind of like when I stopped in a band camp a couple times this week. I loved band. With the exception of junior year wind ensemble, it was my favorite part of high school. But this wasn't the band I was part of. That band is in the past. It's five years of awesome memories. Some of the people I love are still there, but it's their turn now. And I realize how much I've moved on in the past three months. Imagine how it'll be next summer?

So to my friends who still read this: Good luck. God bless you in everything you do. Maybe some of you, I'll never speak to again. Not out of malice, just because we didn't bond strongly enough in our time together to make the effort on either of our parts to stay in touch now that we're apart. Others, I have no worries. It doesn't matter how far apart we are, we'll always be friends. Even if we don't speak for six weeks at a time, when we're together again, it'll be just like it always has been.

I love you.

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Monday, June 4th, 2007
11:21 am - Fell out of the sky, ceases to be, without a reply
I graduated from high school this weekend. Yesterday I finally walked across the stage and got a hug from the mayor. Afterwards, in the crushing press of bodies, I lost my NHS tassle, but that's okay because it stayed on for most of the ceremony. Our senior song was Parachute by Guster. I was one of the singers. It went really well except for the ending where we forgot some of the words. But that's okay too, because it was graduation day and we're finally DONE!

Prom night was amazing. I was trying kind of for a 30s movie star look and it almost became a drowning starlet look when I went to pick up Will and the sky opened up. We wound up stranded in Red Thunder for a few minutes while my parents dug up some umbrellas. A whole group of us took Red Thunder to Westford. Such a fun time. Lots of dancing. Quality cousin dancing to the Thong Song. hahaha. The All-Nighter was fun too. Really good sandwiches and me and Aaron kept Katarina pinned on the moonwalk. And the hypnotist was fun. Most secure place? :)

Then last night after the ceremony, a bunch of us went to Manchester to see Gordon Goodwin and His Big Phat Band. I am in awe of their trumpet players. There was one guy who came out to play Macarthur Park with the opening act. I swear he was hitting notes about 20 lines above the staff. A good group of us went. Me, Shemariah, Gonzi, Alissa, Eric, Erinne, Kat, Aaron, Piazza, Harding, and Teot. It was too bad that Evan and Studer couldn't go, but we had fun.

And now it's summer, absolutely summer. My graduation party is next weekend. Pretty much my whole family is coming and I have somewhere between 50 and a hundred direct relatives. But I don't think everyone will be there. And I invited a lot of friends, so I'm excited for Saturday.

current mood: happy
current music: Parachute - Guster

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